We push through when we don’t feel well, when we aren’t treated well and especially when we are completely worn out. Pushing through wears us out. It’s time for ease.
Instead of inviting ease into our lives, we follow the misguided wisdom we seem programmed to repeat.
- No pain, no gain.
- Buckle down.
- Work hard, play hard.
- You can sleep when you’re dead.
- Go above and beyond.
Seriously, has this really turned out well for anyone? I know it didn’t work for me even though I pushed my hardest to make this pushing through advice benefit me. Instead it exhausted me. It made me feel like a failure because I couldn’t do it. And ultimately, it made me really sick.
8 Gentle Practices That Add Ease (When Pushing Through Isn’t Working)
It’s time to invite ease into our lives, to rest and relax and simply say no to pushing through. We’ve been pushing through for too long and enough is enough. Use these gentle practices to shift from struggle to ease.
1. Stop measuring who you are by what you do.
When we try to prove who we are by the size of our to-do list, accomplishments or the state of our overflowing inboxes, calendars and demands, it’s never enough. We always have to keep doing more to feel good about ourselves. Instead of measuring who you are by what you do, measure by how you feel. Instead of measuring by what’s on your list, measure by what’s on your heart.
2. Solve the little problem before the big one.
Often, when we are struggling with a big problem, we try to push through and figure things out. In the name of being proactive we consider all the what ifs and the worst case scenarios and the zillion options available. We stay up at night worrying about the outcome. Instead of trying to figure everything out from that sleep-deprived, pushed through and came up empty state, try solving a little problem first. Are you thirsty? Drink water. Are you sore? Go for a walk. Are you too overwhelmed to meal plan? Order food delivery. Do you eyes hurt? Put your phone down.
3. Let’s stop telling each other how busy we are.
We all know the “I’m so busy” people. I used to be one. Maybe you are one too. We say “I’m so busy” in response to people kindly asking, “how are you?” and we sometimes use it to turn down personal and professional invitations or requests. It’s such a habit that some version of I’m so busy, too busy or very busy just slides out.
I remember the height of my busy addiction. I wrote about it in depth here. I was really burnt out at work and thinking there must be something better out there, but I didn’t know what I wanted to do instead, or how I wanted to spend my time because I was too busy to think straight. My heart was calling for something different, but I didn’t have any attention left to listen. When was the last time you just sat still and thought, “Ok heart, what do you want?” Maybe now is a good time.
4. Make room in between things.
Just because you can put back to back calls and meetings and commitments on your calendar doesn’t mean you should. What would be the worst thing about giving yourself an extra fifteen minutes or more in between things? That space you create will give you more energy throughout the day and there may even be some left over at the end of the day. Imagine that!
In the spirit of creating this space, the next time an appointment cancels or something falls off your to-do list, let it. Don’t replace it. Embrace the space and take it for yourself. Instead of filling up all the spaces in the name of productivity or trying to get it all done, embrace extra space. It’s yours. You need it. You deserve it.
5. Glorify the sweetness of doing nothing.
In the movie, Eat, Pray, Love, one of my favorite parts is in the barber shop, where everyone is talking about dolce far niente, an Italian phrase that translates to the sweetness of doing nothing. Our inability or unwillingness to slow down and do nothing is not serving us. When we refuse to do nothing, we compromise everything.
As the saying goes, we are human beings not human doings yet we feel guilty and frustrated when we decide to do nothing. As we relax into nothingness, our brains are in constant search for more to-do’s. It scans your inbox, your text messages and all of the lists. Instead of enjoying doing nothing, you stress about everything. Slowing down and doing nothing is a chance to find rest, delight and the way back to you.
6. Put yourself at the top of the list.
That moment when you think you don’t have time to take care of yourself is the exact moment you need to take of yourself. When we save our self-care for later, it seems that later never comes. When it is time to take care of you, consider something soothing, comforting and healthy to try. Check out the list of self-care ideas in this article.
7. Stop trying to “get there” so you can be here.
Where you are right now is where you are. You aren’t behind. You aren’t caught up. You are here and it’s all you really get. I know this is obvious and still we spend so much time and energy and heartache trying to “get there” that we often forget we are here. We are here in this fleeting moment and we never really get to be anywhere else.
Note to self and anyone who needs it: If you weren’t pushing through, trying to get there you might find that by really being here, you can ease through more often. When you find yourself striving to catch up or struggling because you feel like you are behind, be here for a moment. This is it.
8. Say “no” even when you aren’t busy.
I don’t know who needs to hear this but you are allowed to say, “no” even when you aren’t busy. I don’t say “no” because I’m so busy, I say “no” because I don’t want to be so busy. Just because you have time or availability for something doesn’t mean you are obligated to say yes. You are the only one who can protect your time. Don’t create space so you can do more things (especially things you have no interest in). Create space for more life, for more being you.
We’re praised for our busyness, for our relentless need to go hard or go home and for succeeding even when it means compromising our health and relationship. Let’s start showing up for each other and admiring the way we rest, how we slow down to be present and how we find contentment in our lives. Share this with your loved ones, your co-workers, maybe anonymously with your boss. Maybe we’ll start an ease through revolution!
We need to give ourselves permission to be gentle, slow and soft, to rest when we want, turn down the noise and find the ground beneath our feet. We need it not only when we are overwhelmed but always. Making time for this is the way back to listening to yourself, to trusting yourself, to getting your life back. Start small with moments and minutes and let the practice grow at a pace that works for you.