8 Stand-out Quotes from Gentle (my new book)
I’m excited to share some of the stand-out quotes from Gentle! My new book was published in February and I’ve been hearing about the quotes from Gentle that are becoming reader favorites.
These sayings and quotes from Gentle, Rest More, Stress Less and Live the Life You Actually You Want are some of my favorites. They are also the quotes from Gentle that readers say resonated with them. Whether you tell me directly or post your favorite words from the book on Instagram or Facebook, I love hearing from you. Gentle is delivered in three sections: Rest, Less and Rise. You’ll find 30 practices to help you come back to The Gentle You. To make things even more approachable, each chapter comes with tiny steps, a gentle step and a permission slip to help you make progress.
1. Have I rested enough to do my most loving, meaningful work?
We try to prove our worth by what we get done, which means we always feel like we have to do more. Within this broken measuring system, our efforts will never enough. Let’s reject this measuring system and do what writer and psychologist Nicola Jane Hobs suggests, “Instead of asking, ‘Have I worked hard enough to deserve rest?’ ask, ‘Have I rested enough to do my most loving, meaningful work?’” Imagine how that shift would change how we treat ourselves and how we treat others. How would it affect our creative flow, problem-solving skills, and capacity to love.
2. Becoming the Gentle You is real self-care.
It’s not a quick fix. Becoming the Gentle You is a meaningful practice that, over time, will soothe your nervous system and strengthen your relationships—including the most important one: the one you have with yourself. It’s so hard to be kind to others when we are suffering ourselves. Yet we still dismiss our needs in the name of putting other people first, or when placing our hands on our phones before we place them on our hearts, or doing anything else that can distract us from knowing and trusting ourselves. Please don’t confuse this invitation to be gentle as a request to be more pleasing to others. While others may benefit from you becoming gentle, it’s not for them. This is for you.
3. The other side of giving your all is being empty.
Sierra Wells said, “Remember that the other side of giving your all is being empty. And if you continue to give your all, you’ll continue to be empty. Giving your all is unregulated and has no boundaries.” I don’t give my all because I refuse to leave myself with nothing. I used to commit my all to jobs, people and projects. This wasn’t slow or soft. In every attempt to give my all, I lost it all. I deserve the love, time, and attention that the world demands of us. So do you.
4. Overreacting is not where our power lies.
Pausing creates a gap between feeling upset and acting out, enabling a calm, focused response. Whether it’s a world event, a business situation, or something more personal, when we overreact, our desire to quickly find a solution leads us to rush and make assumptions about what’s going on. The art of underreacting is to move from outrage to making a real difference while still taking care of ourselves.
5. Going to bed early is how grown-ups sleep in.
Author and productivity expert Laura Vanderkam says that going to bed early is the way grown-ups sleep in. I could not agree more. And yet, I often hear some version of the following from clients and other adults: “I have too much to do. I stay up late getting things done.” Many of us struggle setting a bedtime because we think if we just get one more thing done we will rest easier. We must resist the seduction of getting things done. If you struggle to sleep well, start with your bedtime. Are you going to bed at a reasonable hour, or are you staying up in the name of doing one more thing?
6. We have to stop with the guilt.
We let guilt prevent us from resting, loving, and living the way we want to live. How many times have you gone to work when you were sick because you felt too guilty to take care of yourself? Or, have you ever beaten yourself up because you felt guilty for not doing enough, or for doing nothing? Redefine guilt so you don’t let your feelings of guilt guide you. Remember: Feeling guilty for taking care of yourself is not taking care of yourself. Give yourself a guilt-free pass to go to bed early, set a boundary, say no to an invitation or take care in the way you need to take care.
7. Creating space is essential for prioritizing the changes you want to make.
This focus on being gentle is something new that will take time, energy, and attention. You can’t just pile it on to everything else you have going on. First you have to remove some of the other stuff. Thing about this anytime you feel moved to add something, especially if you are in a place where your things feel like enough or too much. Adding without subtracting is just bad life math. Too much + more stuff = overwhelm. Even good things are more things, and they require more space.
8. Help is the sunny side of control.
Author Anne Lamott says, “Our help is usually not very helpful. Our help is often toxic. And help is the sunny side of control. Stop helping so much. Don’t get your help and goodness all over everybody.” Oh ouch! Help is the sunny side of control?! I’ll admit, I often think of my advice as being helpful, which is why seeing it through Anne Lamott’s eyes is so powerful. It makes me wonder, do I want to help? Or do I want to control the situation? What about you … helpful or controlling? Or maybe a little bit of both?
Is Gentle the right book for you?
Gentle, Rest More, Stress Less and Live the Life You Actually Want was featured in The New York Times, Time Magazine and on CBS Mornings (and many other places). One of the beautiful endorsements for the book comes from Lori Deschene, founder of Tiny Buddha. After reading Gentle, she said, “Courtney’s beautiful book is the antidote to hustle culture and a must-read for anyone who feels too stressed and busy to enjoy the people and things that matter to them. With practical guidance and tiny steps to implement at the end of each chapter, Gentle can help you ease your way into a more peaceful life, with increased vitality, presence, and joy.”
This book is for you if you want to …
- relax
- enjoy your life
- stop measuring yourself by what you accomplish
- reject hustle culture
- stop feeling so overwhelmed all the time
- say no whenever you feel like it without a big explanation
- stop pleasing others by disappointing yourself
- give up your quest to control everything
- actually show up for your life
- feel less stressed out
If you want some (or all) of those things, read the book or listen to the audiobook, narrated by me. I’d love to hear about your favorite chapter or quotes from Gentle. Tell me about the tiny step or permission slip that makes the biggest difference in your life.