Feel Unhappy? Stop Doing These 8 Things

We all feel unhappy from time to time, often due to a few things we keep doing. We don’t want to feel unhappy, we just forget about what is actually within our control.

Sometimes, things that are out of our control that can make us feel unhappy. Ironically, trying to change or fix those things usually makes us even more unhappy.

The good news is that there are plenty of things in our lives that we can look at and change to live a happier life. Even though we won’t stop doing these things overnight, when we are practicing tiny steps to shift a little bit each day, we can expect our overall happiness and life satisfaction to increase.

Having a bad day once in a while is different than only having a good day once in a while. Don’t dismiss the impact of grief, depression and other conditions that affect your mental health. That plays a big part in feeling unhappy. Talk to the people closest to you and/or a qualified therapist when you need support.

Feel Unhappy? Stop Doing These 8 Things.

We do some of these things out of habit not even noticing how they affect our mood. I’ve done them all and they always eventually made me feel unhappy! Now, by living with less, moving more slowly and being more present, I can be more intentional, pay attention and stop doing them. If you notice you feel unhappy as a result of doing these things, be gentle with yourself as you start to change your patterns. You deserve that.

1. Letting guilt and regret distract you from living.

Guilt and regret remove us from our lives. We feel unhappy and we struggle to reconnect with the present moments and simple pleasures that are right in front of us. You might feel guilty when you don’t feel like you got enough done, or when you have to say no or set a boundary with someone you love. You may even feel guilty when you get sick and have to take time off to rest. People tell me they feel guilty for relaxing and doing nothing or not attending an event they don’t want to attend. If you can relate and have felt guilty for these things, I’d like to suggest that you aren’t feeling guilty. Instead, you are feeling discomfort for taking care of yourself.

Regret is fueled by reliving and and trying to change the past. The pain of the past can help us make decisions about moving forward but spending your time wondering what things would have been like if you’d done things differently only removes you from feeling better now. You will constantly miss out on the potential joys of the present moment by looking back and wishing for a better outcome. Perhaps it’s time to move forward. If trying to rework the past has become a persistent habit for you, try allowing yourself a few minutes each day to reflect through journaling. Get it off your mind and write it down. Before you wrap up your journaling session, write a sentence or two about something happening now that makes you smile. Keep coming back to today.

2. Doing too many things will make you feel unhappy.

We have a lot to do and keep up with but we often make the mistake of measuring who we are by what we get done so we never feel like we are doing enough. Or, we compare ourselves to others who are doing more and try to catch up. The real mistake here though is ignoring our own personal time and energy availability. Instead of asking, “how much can I get done?” ask, “How much do I want to give or how much do I have to give?” It may feel selfish to even ask the question. If it does, check in on how you are feeling. Overwhelm, exhaustion, and having no idea what delights you anymore are a few of the signs and signals that indicate you’ve given yourself to everyone but you.

3. Dismissing your boundaries just because other people don’t like them.

We don’t just feel unhappy when we don’t honor the boundaries we set, we feel resentful. It doesn’t just hurt us, it hurts our relationships. As the saying goes, “The only people upset with you having boundaries are the ones who benefitted from you having none.” If it feels impossible, try these small but mighty ways to set better boundaries.

4. Caring too much about what other people think.

Caring less about what other people think is the ultimate form of self-care. Usually, when we think people are thinking about us, they aren’t. And when they are, their thoughts are more about them, or their mood or their point of view. What would you do if you cared a little bit less about what they thought, what their expectations were, and who you thought you were supposed to be for everyone else? What would you make if you weren’t worried about sharing it and hearing anyone’s thoughts on your art? Who would you be if you trusted you first and the rest was just background noise that you could turn down as needed?

5. Holding on when it’s time to let go leads to sadness.

Holding on to things that weigh you down will make you feel unhappy. We convince ourselves that letting go of things is hard, so we hold on. The truth is that holding on is harder. We have to hold on every day, questioning our decisions and keeping things in our lives that weigh us down. Whether you want to let go of stuff and clutter, a relationship, a job, an old goal, idea, thought or belief, give yourself permission to know when it’s time.

6. Being stubborn about changing your mind.

As human beings doing our best in a sometimes overwhelming world, we hold on to what we think. We believe everything that we think and then think we should believe in our thoughts forever. For better or worse though, things change. If we want to be happier and more content with our lives, we have to be willing to change our minds, to shift direction and to honor the way we actually think and feel now. Changing your mind doesn’t mean you were wrong before and it doesn’t mean you’ll think this new thought forever. Allow your thoughts to flow more gently and you will discover more happiness.

7. Putting too much weight on the end result.

We’ve all heard the saying, “It’s about the journey, not the destination,” but when we feel unhappy working towards a goal it’s usually because we are so focused on where we are going, or how far away we are that we forget where we are now, and why we are pursuing this goal in the first place. Check in. Maybe the goal needs to change. Was it even your goal to begin with or an expectation that someone else had for you? What parts of the journey are you enjoying, which parts are you doing because you think you have to in order to make it to the goal you might not care about anymore? Give yourself permission to take a new path, even if you don’t know where it will end up.

8. Putting yourself last.

While there will always be people and projects who want and/or need your attention and support, you need it more. You need it first. You need it now. Make time and space for yourself even if that time and space is small at first. Try one of these daily rituals to let go of stress. That moment when you don’t think you have time to take care of yourself is the exact moment you have to take care of yourself. If that moment is now, let this be your permission slip to take care.

When you feel unhappy, give yourself room to rest and consider how you might be hurting your own feelings and contributing to how you feel. By shifting and undoing harmful habits, you can begin to feel better.