How To Be Happy: My 10 Secrets to Feeling Happier
If you are wondering how to be happy, these little secrets can help. Use these 10 secrets to smile more and stress less. They won’t fix everything but they will help you learn how to be happy.
I know we can’t always feel happy or make ourselves happy, but I’ve also learned that looking for happiness in everything but ourselves isn’t working. While we wait for other people to make us happy, we trust ourselves less. The validation we hope will come from around us must come from within us. It’s our only chance of knowing what actually makes us feel happy and learning how to connect with it.
How to be Happy
These are my 10 secrets to happiness. They won’t work every single day for every person (does anything?), but they can lead to feeling happier. Note: happiness doesn’t fix sadness or grief but it can add relief. Healing takes time but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy happy times along the way. These 10 happiness secrets aren’t the only ones, but it’s a really good start. You don’t have to do them all to be happy. Pick one and see what happens.
1. The first secret on how to be happy is to complain too little and tip too much.
If you are in a bad mood and you think nothing will make you smile, go out to eat. Don’t complain about your food or the service (even though you’ll want to because you are in a bad mood) and leave a really big tip. This little pattern interrupt will surprise you. Worst case scenario, you make someone’s day with your big tip. Best case? You have a great meal, temporarily trade your worries for an amazing meal (that you didn’t have to cook or shop for), and make someone else really happy because you were kind. If for you, spending less money right now is how to be happy, the rest of the secrets are completely free.
2. Put your face in the sunshine.
When you feel down or a little off, instead of scrolling your phone or overthinking, go outside and get in the sunshine. Just put your face in the sunshine for a few minutes. Let it warm you. Then decide what to do next. The easiest way for me to get unbothered, find clarity and feel happier is to go outside. (IG)
3. Walk and then walk some more.
This is what author Elizabeth Gilbert said about a 120 mile walk through France, “St. Augustine said, “Solvitur Ambulando”—which means, “It is solved by walking.” So many problems can be solved by walking. Going on a long walk is something like rewinding a grandfather clock by hand. Moving at a human pace for ten days has made me feel more human again. I feel as though I have been re-set — creatively, emotionally, and certainly physically.” This doesn’t mean you have to walk 120 miles to be happy. Just walk when you can, how you can. See if it makes you feel happier.
4. Drink water and then drink some more.
It always surprises me when I think I’m sad or frustrated and after drinking water I realize I was just thirsty. When you don’t feel like yourself, get back to basics. Slow down, rest, drink water, eat food. These ideas will help you learn how to be happy and boost your mental health but start with the basics. It’s usually the simplest, gentlest things that makes the biggenst difference.
5. Talk to someone you love every day.
If you read my new book Gentle, Rest More, Stress Less and Live the Life You Actually Want, you know I talk to my daughter and or my sister almost every day. Sometimes, it’s a quick call and other times we chat for much longer. We don’t have an agenda, we just really love each other. These are the women who can make me laugh so hard I cry. Sometimes we vent or solve problems but mostly we talk about our coffee and the little things that brighten our lives. Call your loves. Talk to them about how to be happy. It doesn’t have to be a long conversation. Just get their voice all over your heart.
6. Pro-tip on how to be happy: set healthy boundaries around breaking news.
In his book, Scarcity Brain Michael Easter says, “Immediately after the 2013 Boston Marathon bombings, researchers from the University of California Irvine, investigated two groups. The first group was made up of people who watched six or more hours of televised bombing coverage. The second group was people who actually ran in the 2013 Boston Marathon. The finding: The first group, the bombing news bingers, were more likely to develop PTSD and other mental issues. People who binge-watched bonbing news on TV from the comfort of home had more psychological trauma than people who were actually bombed.”
These days, with email, social media and other corners of the internet, it’s easy to be on a steady drip of depressing, traumatic breaking news. If your news consumption is bordering on unhealthy, set healthy boundaries. My news boundaries include: Only reading the news (no videos), no news notifications and avoiding all news first thing in the morning and a few hours before bedtime. I also take regular 24-48 hour breaks. This way, I’m not too overwhelmed to take action.
7. Spend time with animals if you want to be happy.
Spending time with animals makes me all soft and gooey on the inside. Even if I’m sad or mad, I have to be a little happy too when I look into their eyes. I don’t have a pet right now, but there are always lots of them at the park. I FaceTime my grand-dogs (they do not care) and it makes me feel happy. If there isn’t a furry friend nearby, my mood lifts even with a picture on Instagram.
8. Add a hobby or activity that includes being around other people.
I’m very happy spending a lot of time alone and I recognize that it’s really good for my mental health to spend time with other people. I just started playing weekly tennis with group of people I am getting to know. If you are thinking about getting out there too, remember that you don’t have to find a new best friend to boost your mental health. My friend Gina wrote a beautiful book called, I Want to Thank You (which reminds me I need to pick up some thank you cards). In her book she wrote, “Low stakes relationships can be high impact.” This article in The Atlantic (gift link) calls low stakes relationships “weak ties” and explains “The term was coined in 1973 by the Stanford sociologist Mark Granovetter, and it comprises acquaintances, people you see infrequently, and near strangers with whom you share some familiarity.”
9. Create a jar of joy.
Put a jar or vase on your counter. Add little notes throughout each week about the things that made you smile, what you were grateful for and what actually made you happy. At the end of the year (or when you are feeling down), go through your jar of joy to remember all of the little things that lift you up.
10. Sleep all night long.
Sleep researcher and author of Why We Sleep, The New Science of Sleep And Dreams, Matthew Walker says, “Sleep is probably the single most effective thing that you can do to reset both your brain [and] your body’s health. I don’t say that flippantly against the notions of diet and exercise — both of those are fundamentally critical — but if I were to deprive you of sleep for 24 hours, deprive you of food for 24 hours, or deprive you of water or exercise for 24 hours, and then I were to map the brain and body impairment you would suffer after each one of those four — hands down a lack of sleep will implode your brain and body far more significantly.” Sleep better by avoiding these 8 habits. When I sleep poorly, I am moodier, less motivated and I definitely don’t feel happy. Sleep makes everything better. The end.
I used to think happiness was at the mall or in my cart, in my paycheck, or maybe at the bottom of my to-do list. Then, I looked for happiness in the approval of others. I kept looking out. I thought you had to reach for happiness, or wait to be worthy of it.
Bonus secrets to happiness (I did say there were more).
11. Let go.
12. Be in awe of someone’s story; their bravery, creativity and audacity.
13. Be brave, creative and audacious.
14. Unfollow who and what does not serve your heart.
15. Forget things that don’t matter.
16. Hide your phone.
17. Talk to a plant.
18. Shift your mood by shifting your body with these recommendations.
19. Share recipes and stories.
20. Own less.
21. Love more.
22. Compete less.
23. Collaborate more.
24. Rush less.
25. Linger longer.
As it turns out, happiness isn’t waiting for us, it’s within us. Happiness isn’t waiting for you to get your dream job, reach your magical (and totally arbitrary and unimportant) goal weight, find your true love, discover your purpose, or to buy something new, fancy, bigger or better. You don’t have to prove yourself worthy of being happy.
Happiness isn’t out there. It’s in here (look down at your heart).
Happiness isn’t waiting for you, it’s within you.