How to Be Patient in a Hectic World: 3 Tips and a Story that Changed Me
I learned how to be patient one afternoon at the post office. While being patient is a practice, it only took what happened that day for me to shift my entire perspective. I’m going to share that story below along with 3 practical tips (practices) that will encourage you to be more patient too. Before that day at the post office, I did not know how to be patient. It seemed like no matter how many times I tried to will other people to move faster and get out of my way so I could get on with my busy day, it never worked. Instead, I just got frustrated.
Keep in mind, I never thought learning how to be patient was a me problem. It was everyone else who wasn’t meeting my pace. I got annoyed with the slow drivers, the people who wanted to write a check at the grocery store, co-workers who weren’t prepared at meetings, and the list goes on and on. Why couldn’t everyone move a little faster? How will we get everything done? The question I should have been asking was, “Why am I in such a hurry?”
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My hurry melted into patience one December afternoon. There was a big holiday line at the post office, only one person working, and a woman in front of me who decided to take her time picking out the perfect stamp. It felt like my my worst nightmare. I was running late (per usual) and I wasn’t running late because I was moving slowly, I was running late because I over-scheduled myself (per usual). I had no margin in my day, no boundaries in my life and no idea what to do about it. So I kept pushing through.
3 practical tips on how to be patient
My time at the post office, which I’ll expand on soon led me to these practices. I still lose my patience from time to time, but I come back more quickly when I remember standing in line at the post office that afternoon. These practical tips and practices allow me to be more patient naturally and with more ease. These practices will encourage more patience in your life too. When you forget to be patient, use that as a way to practice how to be patient by being patient with yourself.
1. Start by taking really good care of yourself.
One of the reasons I couldn’t cultivate patience is that I wasn’t taking care of myself. Instead I was the go, go, go, gotta check everything off the list at all costs lady. It’s easier to be patient with others when you feel well and cared for. When you are stressed out and overwhelmed or sick and tired, your body doesn’t know how to be patient. While there are many ways to prioritize self care, what always makes the biggest difference for me is prioritizing less. Let go of things from your home, your to-do list, your calendar and your brain. Simplify everything and make space for healing.
2. If you want to be more patient, adopt the pace of nature.
Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Adopt the pace of nature. Her secret is patience.” By taking walks, hiking, watching the sunrise and noticing flowers growing, I remember that the most beautiful, magical things in life go at their own pace. As Jamilla Reddy suggests, “move at your authentic pace.” In other words, don’t rush yourself when your body wants to move more slowly. Don’t hurry when you are low on energy. When you rush yourself, you will naturally rush others and we all know how that ends up.
3. Humanize your interactions.
This really is how to be more patient. Aside from slowing the pace of my own life, what helps me most when it comes to remembering how to be patient is remembering that people are people. We are all human beings in a hectic and sometimes hard world. When someone is taking too long to pick out stamps, she isn’t someone out to get me, or ruin my day. She’s a broken-hearted woman who lost her husband, picking out the perfect stamps to thank people who love her.
Finally, the story about learning how to be patient.
It was the week of Christmas and I had to mail a package at the last minute. I rushed into the post office and stopped quickly when I noticed the long line ahead of me. Then I saw that there was only one person working. I was immediately frustrated. I kept checking the clock on my phone wondering how I would ever make it on time to my next meeting.
Finally, there were only two people in front of me and I could hear the woman in front of me step up to the counter and ask for stamps. That sounded promising. You can get stamps quickly. My hope faded fast when I heard the woman ask to see the selection of stamps on hand. I couldn’t hear more of the conversation but together, the postal worker and the woman poured over a very large binder of stamps. It seemed like a big decision. You can imagine what I was thinking under my annoyed skin. “OMG, pick a stamp already, there are people in line! Who cares what a stamp looks like?!”
The woman finally chose a stamp and after she made her purchase she turned around and recognized the woman behind her (the one in front of me) and they started to chat. Here’s where instead of completely losing my mind, I learned how to be patient. Overhearing their conversation changed everything.
It went something like this. The woman who purchased the stamps said, “I haven’t seen you in a long time, I was sad to hear your husband passed. How are you doing?” Her friend said, “It’s nice to see you. I’m doing ok.” The woman who purchased the stamps asks, “Did you hear about my husband? He died this month.” Her friend said, “No I didn’t, I’m very sorry to hear that.“
Here comes my answer to how to be patient or maybe why be patient. The woman who purchased the stamps says, “Yes, I’m here trying to pick out the perfect stamp to put on the thank you cards I’m sending to everyone who has helped me since he died.” In that moment, all of my hurry and pushiness and willing these ladies to move on drained from my body. They went on to talk about their painful last days, both losing their husbands to cancer. They apologized for not staying in touch and agreed to check up on each other. Then, one said to the other, “Now we can move forward alone, together.”
My eyes welled up. I was so embarrassed. Knowing how to be patient never crossed my mind because of my very important, busy day. I’m sure you’ll understand when I say that I will never forget those moments in the post office but I have no idea what happened during the rest of my very important, busy day. I don’t know what I had to mail. I don’t remember what my meeting was for or who it was with. It wasn’t important. It didn’t matter and now, I don’t lose my patience about things that don’t matter.
So before you get mad at that slow driver, or you are about to take your frustrations out in email because a small biz or blogger disappointed you or you feel angry at the person with 20 items in the 10-item only lane, really see them. Imagine their life and what may have happened to place them right in front of you, testing your patience. Before you respond to that super annoying post on social media, resist. Have compassion on the inside that looks like patience on the outside.
All year, but especially now when things might be a little more hectic, let go of the hurry and frustration. Be patient and kind. We are all in this alone, together.
xo,
Courtney