How to Stress Less and Calm Your Life: What You Haven’t Tried Yet

With all of the ideas to stress less out there, you’d think we’d all be walking around without a worry in the world! Of course there are real reasons in the world and our own lives that we may be feeling stressed out and finding ways to stress less is healthier for us (and the world). We can stress less, changing how we live and how we feel by finding new ways to be calm and grounded.

Since 2006, after being diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, I’ve been removing stress from life and experimenting with different ways to stress less overall. I am healthier without it. I didn’t start to remove stress under perfect conditions. I did it when my life was more chaotic than ever.

Even though it seems like dealing with stress is just a part of life, you may not have to suffer as much as you think. Reducing stress (just like reducing clutter) is a step by step, sometimes inch by inch adventure. Even though it can be a slow journey, it’s a worthwhile one. Find ways to stress less so you can sleep better, feel better and start to notice what brings you joy and delight.

How to Stress Less and Calm Your Life: What You Haven’t Tried Yet

You’ve probably tried meditating, exercising and deep breathing to stress less and they may help. Here are a few things you may not have tried yet. Let these little strategies bring you back when you are feeling stressed and continue to eliminate stress that is within your control. Start with things like your wardrobe, mornings and habits. Slow and gentle progress will feel better than pushing through.

1. Go to bed.

Seven or eight hours of sleep on a consistent basis will help you regulate your nervous system and better manage the stress in your life. The first step in getting better sleep is to go to bed. Give yourself a bed time, honor it and then literally go to bed on time, at a similar time each night. For extra credit, give yourself a big buffer between food, alcohol and screens and the time you go to bed. Sleeping well may be the most important thing you do.

2. Just let some people misunderstand you.

This is real self care! Alica Lockhard says, “Life became a lot simpler when I decided just to let some people misunderstand me.” Proving and explaining why we are the way we are, why we like what we like, choose what we choose and believe what we believe is overrated and stressful. It’s not your job to make sure everyone understands.

3. Don’t worry about making everyone happy.

I wish everyone happiness and I refuse to spend time and energy making sure my choices are pleasing to everyone. Both can be true at the same time. We know that pleasing everyone is not only exhausting, it’s unrealistic. It’s time to stop disappointing yourself by attempting to please everyone else.

4. Be your “favorite self”

These words from Sierra Chas (on Twitter) remind us that we don’t have to be the “best” or try to change who we are to meet an impossible standard of perfectionism. She says, “I saw somewhere earlier, ‘go be your favorite self.’ We are used to best or higher but favorite leaves room for grace. I’m going to be the version of myself I like right now, in this moment.” Let’s all go be our favorite selves.

5. Leave space in between everything.

I used to forget to make space in between in the name of getting it all done. Now I know that the rest, breath, noticing and healing that happens in between means more to me and positively impacts how I feel, treat people and do my work. Instead of filling up all the spaces in the name of productivity or trying to get it all done, embrace extra space. It’s yours. You need it. You deserve it. When an appointment cancels, or something falls off your to-do list, instead of replacing it, take the space for yourself.

6. Stop trying to give your all.

We are so conditioned to “do our best” and “give it our all” that we’ve forgotten a few really important things.

• Your best is dynamic. Your best is different at 8:00 am than it is at 8:00 pm. Your best is different before and after coffee, taking a walk or lying down for a bit. Your best is different after you get bad news, have a fight with a friend or spend any amount of time reading comments on the internet.
• Offering your all is unregulated and unreasonable. No one should expect all of you (in your work life or your personal life) nor should you feel compelled to offer it.
• Your best is specific to your skills and ability. Giving my best removing someone’s appendix or cooking in a Michelin Star kitchen wouldn’t be very good at all. Even if I tried really hard and gave it my all, it wouldn’t matter. There are some things where your best will never be enough. Let other people do those things.

Today, declutter the words and the effort behind doing your best and giving it your all. Instead, offer what you can reasonably do while taking care of yourself. Always remember there is plenty of opportunity between giving it your all and giving it nothing to offer something great.

7. Remember that there is a fine line between being informed and being completely overwhelmed.

Whenever I share that I’m taking a break from the news, someone always tells me that it’s important to stay informed. I agree. Kind of. It is important to stay informed but not on an hourly basis or even a daily basis. It’s also important to consider how you are informed. I don’t “watch” the news or news clips or video shared online. I read the news and choose what I let into my heart and soul and how I let it in. If you are feeling overwhelmed, take a break from the news, social media and the internet whenever you want. Being uninformed for a minute allows you to feel the way you want to feel instead of living in a reactionary state 24/7.

8. Stop trying to help or fix everyone.

Author Anne Lamott says, “Our help is usually not very helpful. Our help is often toxic. And help is the sunny side of control. Stop helping so much. Don’t get your help and goodness all over everybody.” Oh ouch! Help is the sunny side of control?!

I’ll admit, I often think of my advice as being helpful, which is why seeing it through Anne Lamott’s eyes is so powerful. It makes me wonder, do I want to help? Or do I want to control the situation? What about you … helpful or controlling? Or maybe a little bit of both? When you begin to see and accept people for who they are instead of trying to turn them into who you want them to be, the stress begins to melt away.

There will be seasons of life that are more stressful than others and times when stress gets the best of us. That makes it even more meaningful to protect our peace and stress less where we can.